it's just one of those cold, piano-playing kind of days

I'm tired of feeling like I need a guy in my life...it drains too much energy from me. I wish I could just be one of those independent, sexy r&b women who sing about being single and loving it and how their exes want them back but they got their own cars and blahblahblah. I envision myself walking down the street with a certain air of Beyonce a la Me Myself and I...

BUT

I lack the energy for that at the moment...I kinda just want someone right now who cares about me as much as I do about them. It brings a bitter taste to my mouth to actually admit the tackiness of such a statement but whatever. Seems like all the guys I've met who are interested in me...either I'm not interested in them or they aren't serious enough about me. Sucks. Doesn't help that the person that I just recently had to detach from (and still really like even though I shouldn't for my own good...? why am I so retarded.) keeps coming back into the picture. It is so tempting to respond to his advances but he doesn't want anything on a more emotional level...just physical...and I don't work like that. My heart goes into everything I do...except math and cooking. Just saying. And I can't get my heart involved again 'cause that was the worse thing I ever went through, having to detach myself from him. Ughhhhhh.

It fucking sucks seeing/knowing other girls who have managed to find a guy that's man enough for a relationship though. It's like a fucking kick in the ass. HATE IT. I'm not bitter, just annoyed. :)

I know it's not my fault I can't find a guy. Gotta wait for the moment to come, and it has to be the right one, and the right one will like you as you are (but hey, what's not to love about me, right).
Maybe it's just partially my fault. I always fall for the edgy bad boy type. Even my mom says so. I can't help it. Good, innocent-ish guys show nothing interesting about themselves. It's like they wear a sign that says "My idea of fun is arguing with you about politics/academic topics (if you disagree I will beat you), I'm clumsy and a buzzkill." Turn-off. UGHHHH. But then, the bad boy types may be more fun and risky (Their sign would read something more like "Hey, let's smoke a cigarette, talk about stuff without getting all worked up about it, and be spontaneous"), but they're also typically colder/more prone to being jerks and not willing to stick to one girl. WHYYYYYY. Maybe that's why they're "bad". *sigh* YEAH. OK. Step into my motherfuckin high heeled shoes, and see what it feels like to be the one being told "I mean, I'll stay, but what if a better offer comes along". Thanks for making me feel like a piece of shit...