My dad is making me angry at the moment. Scratch that - making me angry as usual.
So, here's the issue at hand. He didn't get me ANYTHING for my birthday this year...all he did was send an email saying "happy birthday" and such. Normally, I would not care about something like this. I'm not that materialistic when it comes to him because I don't expect birthday gifts from him anymore anyway. However, he recently sent me an email asking if I could buy him a certain tshirt for his birthday.
A) What kind of parent asks their child, who makes no income whatsoever, to buy them a gift?
B) It's really my MOM that's paying for it, since she's the one with money, and not me. I'm pretty sure my dad understands that I don't make money.
C) The tshirt is one of those Old Navy shirts that come around every 4th of July that has an American flag and says "Old Navy [insert year here]". Waste of money much?
Sorry, but I find it ridiculous.
It's an emotional sabotage. That's his strategy. He knows that I feel *sorry* for him and besides that, it's rude to just turn him down, so he knows that I'll end up buying the shirt for him.
What should I do?
I want to say no and remind him that he has failed to be a proper father for the past years, but I feel totally rotten even thinking about doing that. I'm afraid he might hate me or become even more mentally incapable than he is right now. IS HE EVEN MENTALLY INCAPABLE? Or is it all some ridiculous front he puts up to get what he wants? My grandparents have taken him to psychologists, gotten medication for him, everything.
My mom tells me I shouldn't worry, and just ignore him, and that her father was the same way, but I just can't do that. There has to be some way to tell him exactly how I feel without compromising anything. My grandmother is really attached to him and I don't want to hurt her by cutting off my ties with dad.
Anyway. Here are the options I am considering concerning the tshirt.
A) Buy the tshirt and continue the strained relationship.
B) Buy the tshirt and just ignore him until he realizes something's up. (not going to work.)
C) Don't buy the tshirt and continue the strained relationship, which will become more strained as a result of not buying the tshirt.
D) Don't buy the tshirt and tell him what's going on. The catch is that I might hurt my grandmother (his mom) in the process...which I really don't want to do.
Help?
2 comments:
I don't mean to sound trite, but what would Jesus do? Talking honestly in love is almost always the best option. It can cause some ripples, but you are already struggling with this.
It is sad that you have to be the grown-up and deal with these issues now. You deserve a dad who can nurture you and love you and appreciate what a beautiful, creative, unique, wonderful woman you are.
I think that at some point you will have to deal with him honestly and openly, whether now or later. Let God guide your words and actions with your dad.
And let me know how it goes.
Thanks for the advice...I know what you mean about talking to him honestly in love. It's just SO hard to gather the courage to do that. There are little conflicts that could occur when I do that, so I'm still mulling it over. >_<
But, I'm working on it. One of these days...hopefully sooner rather than later, it will happen. I will let you know how it goes.
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